Unwelcome To Britain
I flew back into Britain today, and what a sorry experience it was, full of the kind of British mean spirit that gets me down.
Before we'd even fully boarded, an overweight over-sunburnt British couple had managed to barge and shove their way down the aisles looking for any nook and cranny to stash their copious duty free fags'n'booze - in the process treating a couple of fragile lovely old Indian ladies who must have been in their sixties to the classic you didn't understand me but if I shout at you in English this time you'll understand and get out of my fucking way.
As soon as the doors of the plane were sealed, the announcement came that due to the requirements of Heathrow we would now be sprayed. Presumably to stop Johnny Foreigner bringing his Dreaded Lurgee into Dear Old Blighty. The flight was punctuated with announcements to the effect that due to UK regulation non-UK passport holders have to fill in little cards. And you can't bring in foodstuffs. Or much at all really from the long list given out. Well except the obligatory lashings of cheap fags for tax avoidance purposes.
Once you arrive at Heathrow it seems the first signs that confront you are the ones warning you in around 8 languages that unless you claim your asylum right this instant anyone who helps or supports you can go to jail for a long time and you can go back to a country we've bombed into being secure. The irony is that these are virtually the only multi-lingual signs in the whole of Heathrow. Don't speak English and want to find the toilets easily? Forget it.
Today's newstands greeted the tourists on the plane with "Migrant Mayhem" from the Daily Mail, and "Minister Admits Migrant Cover Up" from The Daily Express. This was a follow up to their story of the previous day "Migrants: The Great Con" which I saw someone reading on the plane. Anyone would think we were living through a massive economic slump with huge levels of unemployment because of these migrants stealing our jobs.
Still the papers have obviously got the message across to the authorities, and they've acted in our best interests. The queue to inspect the document that guarantees my freedom of movement throughout the EU, and proves that I have just arrived home, is longer than any of the queues for non-EU nationals.